5ive

Five important general theories attached to Everton FC:-

1) If something can be done, then Everton, as a team on the pitch or as an organisation off it, will generally do it the hardest, most long-winded way possible. This normally results in frustrating failure but these failures make the rare taste of success even sweeter.

2) Once a player is touched by the hand of Everton, they will never be the same. There are numerous examples of this throughout time, people without alot of knowledge or fondness towards Everton prior to their arrival. In recent history, names like Duncan Ferguson and Landon Donovan spring to mind. These people connected with the spirit of Goodison and her people quickly - it just happened and they BECAME.

3) The mainstream media find Everton to be somewhat offensive in a way you would try and avoid talking to your Pikey cousins at a wedding. This is because Everton have history, class and culture that overshadows most of what the Sky 4/5/6 (if you include the newly ordained Spurs and Citeh) could ever offer.

4) Referees have been mugging Everton off for many, many years partly because of point 3 above (buying into the negative media vibe) and partly because the general footballing fraternity (The FA, UEFA) find it in their best interests to maintain the status quo. Can any other club on Planet Earth roll off a list of atrocious refereeing performances throughout history that have defined major games and even influenced seasons? Paranoia? Clattenburg, Thomas, Poll, Wiley, Collina...that's five without even trying. Corrupt.

5) Scousers support Everton. Glory hunting out-of-town wools support Liverpool. This is a fact. Supporting Everton is something that has been cascaded down from father to son for generations in Liverpool. A survey a while ago showed that 65% of Everton season ticket holders lived within 8 miles of Goodison. Supporting the Redshite is something that Cockneys, Devonians, Norwegians and Paddy from Kildare started to do in the eighties when they weren't a laughing stock. The same survey showed that only 45% of Gobbos came from the same catchment area as previously mentioned. They will try and tell you that a 'cosmopolitan fan base' is the result of many years of success. Great, embarrassing though innit you sheep shaggin' divs?

Being an Evertonian is partly about acceptance of these guiding realisms.

It's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Yesterday I watched Everton beat Hull 5-1 at Goodison. Should've been 10-1.

Next week we'll lose 4-0 at Birmingham.

That's Everton. And we love them!