Fantasy Facebook

Alright lid.

Hope you had a nice summer off.  The new season is upon us though.  The stuff that makes your heart skip a bit, Hibbert to score his first goal in an Everton shirt, the strongest squad since the eighties making a real go at some silverware (bollocks to all this 'top 4' shite - I'm a traditionist), some bright new talent, some experienced players at their prime.  It's now or never, this is the Everton Golden Generation and the point that DM has been working towards.  Let's see what can fuck it up for us then eh?

So to get us back on an even keel, I'm stealing the content of this post from Kipper because it's a class thread and made me laugh a few times.  It's been running for twelve months now, have a mooch at the full thing but here's the highlights.

All credit to: Bluekipper
The OP: The_La
and every other contributer.

FANTASY FACEBOOK STATUSES

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Tim Howard FUCK TWAT WANK SHITE GAY

Mikel Arteta likes this

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Tony Hibbert took the quiz: 'Which Everton player are you?' The result was: 'Inconclusive'

Leon Osman likes this

David Moyes: FPMSL!
Carlo Nash: You an all?

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Bill Kenwright has joined the "looking for investment group".

Click HERE to join this group,
or go away and ponder/mull/think about it for a while.


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Dan Gosling has just made a big step up in his career.
Shola Ameobi, Sol Campbell & 49 others like this.

David Moyes as if Dan, dry your eyes mate.
Tony Hibbert Hehe, good one boss.
Mageye Gueye =D

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Carlo Nash and James Beattie are now friends.

James Beattie and Roy Hodgson are now friends.
Davy Moyes and 36,580 others like this.

Lukas Jutkiewicz and Lee Carsley are now friends. Kieran Agard likes this.

Steven Pienaar just poked God.

Andy Van der Meyde just bought 4 Chang at Tescos. Result!!

Dan Gosling has just bought a new overcoat.

Wayne Rooney is off to Florida! Coleen Rooney doesn't like this!!!

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Anthony James Hibbert - Haha red n white shite hello hello..... murrderrrersss

Andrew Johnson, Duncan Ferguson, Micheal Ball and 21 others like this.

Phillip Neville: I wish you wouldn't do this Tony, it makes us all look bad

Anthony James Hibbert: Haha sorry gaffer, wat you gona do, tell on me pippy?

Mikel Arteta: haha pippy lol

Phillip Neville: Please don't get involved Mikel I thought you where better than this

Joleon Lescott likes this comment

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Landon Donovan is waiting for a call from Everton.... :-)
About 1 hour ago

Phil Neville, David Moyes, Tim Howard and 40,000 others liked this.

Bill Kenwright: Watch this space, Landon!

David Moyes: Oh for fuck's sake Bill....

Paul Gregg: Have you not got any money left from the Fortress fund Bill? *sniggers*

Keith Wyness: LOLZ!!!!

Trevor Birch: Hahahaha - nice one Paul! Don't hold your breath, Landon!

Bill Kenwright: Carts.

Landon Donovan: :-(

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Yakubu Aiyegbeni Who's Purple Aki?
Comment Like? Dislike

about a minute ago

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John Terry joined the group - Sex isn't everything in a relationship, some just want a good sandwich.

Yakubu likes this

Jose Mourinho LOL

Victor Anichebe - "You would Yak lad"

Anthony James Hibbert - I kno what u mean boys haha

Maro 'Felly' Fellaini - Fuck off

Jamie 'Carragold 24" Carragher '5times baby' - Ah bitters

Anthony James Hibbert just poked Jamie 'Carragold24 Carragher '5times baby'.

Landon Donovan: substance or spin?

Like trips to the cinema and popcorn, like fish and chips, like JR and Sue Ellen, Everton and Landon Donovan just kind of go together well.

Why though?

What the fuck has a Californian with a big fod got in common with a football club in the Merseyside heartland of Walton? There was absolutely nothing to suggest that the loan deal of Landon Donovan from LA Galaxy to Everton in January 2009 would be anything more than a couple of fleeting substitute appearances that at best would sell us a few more shirts in the USA.

But ohhhhh nooooo, Landon and EFC became like Jack Daniels and Coke. They just clicked.

Donovan got off the plane at Heathrow and basically got straight on the pitch across London at the monolithic Emirates Stadium, home of Premier title chasing Arsenal. He announced his arrival with a delightful delivery which was met by the diminutive Leon Osman as Everton dominated the game and were robbed of victory with two deflected Arsenal goals. 2-2.

After that, Landon made his home debut against the oil rich Arab owned Manchester City, a side playing fantasy football with the best players in the world and convinced they were entitled to a run at the title - or Champions League qualification at the very least. Everton completely played Citeh off the park winning 2-0 (should've been more) and Donovan put in a good solid display and the 'American players are shit' brigade began to re-examine their pre-conceptions.

After that, Donovan saw some sobering lows (Birmingham in the FA Cup and a scratchy, ugly defeat across the Park) but some scintillating highs (Goodison defeats of Chelsea and Man Utd, a rousing home farewell and sign off goal in the 5-1 hammering of hapless Hull and the emotional goodbye at St.Andrews) but the overall feeling from his time at Everton was overwhelmingly positive.

There's a few reasons for this I think.

Landon offered us something we've desperately needed for some years now...attacking pace to burn and direct running down the right flank. He showed a passion, desire and will to win that every fan can associate with. He did our precious number 9 shirt proud, albeit in an unfamiliar part of the pitch for the Everton 9 to be plying his trade. The short-lived love affair between the LA boy and EFC wasn't just about his ability on the field though because I'm sure there are more technically gifted attacking right-sided players on the planet right now.

He seemed to always say the right thing. From his first press conference to his final Facebook status update when he was sitting in Heathrow departures, the soundbite or quote was always on the mark. Tony Blair's PR spin machine would've been proud.

Which brings me to my only nagging doubt.

Landon Donovan. Everton FC icon and legend in the making, blue blood and never forgotten until he returns someday?

Or fucking excellent politician?

Manchester City Anagram: Catty Rich Semen. How Appropriate...

When I was younger, I used to tell people that Manchester City were my third team. The reason for this was probably because I grew up in the north-west supporting Everton and saw parellels with the blue half of Merseyside and the blue half of Manchester.

That particular misguided belief changed a long time before the Arabs came along with their oil money and I'm so glad my adolescent mind saw thorough the kind of classless club Citeh would become before they actually did.

It was so satisfying to destroy them the other night on their own turf. After the way they'd claimed our win at Goodison was a fluke earlier in the season. You remember? That was the game in January when we played them off the park and should've won 5-0? Yeah, jammy bastards aint we? The result though coming out of the City Of Jeddah Stadium last Wendesday night sent out a signal to the entire football world.

That message shouted loud and clear:-
REGARDLESS OF YOUR RICHES (Saudi Riyal in this case), MONEY CANNOT BUY YOU CLASS, HISTORY AND CULTURE.

Or in the more succinct words of the ecstatic Evertonians on the terraces that night:-
2-0, AND WE'VE SPENT FUCK ALL!!

Since they won the Saudi lottery, supporters of Manchester's third team (after Man Utd and Droylsden) have gone and got themselves in a little tizz about how they're about to rule the world by buying the Premiership, the Champions League, the Copa America and the Eurovision Song Contest. Mind you, Terry Wogan's got more time on his hands these days I believe so he might fancy having a crack at winning something for Citeh because everyone else has tried to polish that particular turd and at the end of the day, a turd is a turd. They remind me of those Harry Enfield characters Stan and Pam Herbert, who used the catchphrase "We are considerably richer than yow", to try and make themselves feel superior. They're support is generally a ragtag collection of bitter old bastards who've watched years and years of divisional ups and downs, the Liam Gallagher set complete with swagger and plastic Manc badboy attitude and the newbie hangers-on who've attached themselves to the club recently when it looked like they might be getting some success at some point in the next twenty years.

Then the Italian Stallion goes and gets frisky with Moysey on the touchline and you just know that back on the streets of Glasgow, that particular incident would've ended up with Mancini writhing around on the floor with a broken nose and a deep fried Mars Bar shoved up his designer Italian arsehole. Abbia che voi omosessuale italiano sporco! On top of that, in the high end hospitality, Gary Cook (Arab glove puppet) throws out a guest of Everton and his missus for taking the piss at the end. We really did get at them in every area of that stadium didn't we?!!! The terraces were ours, the touchline, the pitch and even the prawn sarnies!

Everton have the dignity and team ethic within the current set-up to meet the arrogance of Manchester City and their fans head-on and they hate us for it. They see us as the scruffy bindippers from up the East Lancs Road, conveniently forgetting that Maine Road was situated in Moss Side. Remember that walk on night matches? Their history is an embarrassment which is probably why they enjoy wallowing in this amusing superiority complex that they have.

Everton might not have millions in the bank but our club has a heart and soul that money can't buy and now and then we get reminders of why it's a grand old team to support. I'd rather have that all day than be considerably richer than yow!

L4 4EL - The Postcode At The Centre Of Our World

When I was a kid, I'd get off at Bank Hall on the Northern Line walk along Stanley Road for a short while, cross over and head along Melrose Road for a bit, take a right all the way up Rumney Road and into the closely packed rows of terraces surrounding my spiritual home, Goodison Park, L4 4EL - home of Everton FC.

It's funny, it doesn't matter that these days I'm lucky enough to live in a lovely, semi-rural part of North Warwickshire...there's still a part of me just off County Road in Walton and whenever I go back there, it invariably feels like a homecoming. Goodison is a fairly ramshackle old bin these days, like a doddery old boy who sits by the fire in his slippers clinging on to yesteryear. But anyone who feels what I'm describing, knows what I'm saying. We've all laughed and cried at Goodison. Had moments of ecstasy that can only be compared to class A substance abuse or a night of pork scratchings and baby oil with Cheryl Cole in a Travel Inn in Hartlepool. Or experienced crushing disappointment that makes you feel like your heart is being twisted inside your chest (or was that just the Chang mixing with the Wagon Wheels?). We've took our kids there for the first time like our Dads took us...the buzz around Spellow Lane and County Road as you get nearer the ground, the programme sellers, hotdog vendors, scarfs and badges, come and get your scarfs and badges! That click through the turnstile and the walk up the old stone steps into the wooden stands and you see the lights first, then the lush green of the playing surface and you're inside the stadium, breathing some sort of special air that changes you forever.

This blog is simply an outlet for some of my musings and thoughts about Everton or stuff tenuously related to Everton. I don't suppose the internet needs another Everton blog but it's just a place to empty my head so if someone reads it one day, I'll be delighted. If nobody ever reads it and I get killed by a block of frozen toilet waste landing on my from 35,000 feet tomorrow...it'll sit on the net for a while then Blogger.com will flush it as dead...like it's writer. RIP Jimbo: An Evertonian Killed By Shit. Something about that is quite fitting.