Fantasy Facebook

Alright lid.

Hope you had a nice summer off.  The new season is upon us though.  The stuff that makes your heart skip a bit, Hibbert to score his first goal in an Everton shirt, the strongest squad since the eighties making a real go at some silverware (bollocks to all this 'top 4' shite - I'm a traditionist), some bright new talent, some experienced players at their prime.  It's now or never, this is the Everton Golden Generation and the point that DM has been working towards.  Let's see what can fuck it up for us then eh?

So to get us back on an even keel, I'm stealing the content of this post from Kipper because it's a class thread and made me laugh a few times.  It's been running for twelve months now, have a mooch at the full thing but here's the highlights.

All credit to: Bluekipper
The OP: The_La
and every other contributer.

FANTASY FACEBOOK STATUSES

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Tim Howard FUCK TWAT WANK SHITE GAY

Mikel Arteta likes this

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Tony Hibbert took the quiz: 'Which Everton player are you?' The result was: 'Inconclusive'

Leon Osman likes this

David Moyes: FPMSL!
Carlo Nash: You an all?

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Bill Kenwright has joined the "looking for investment group".

Click HERE to join this group,
or go away and ponder/mull/think about it for a while.


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Dan Gosling has just made a big step up in his career.
Shola Ameobi, Sol Campbell & 49 others like this.

David Moyes as if Dan, dry your eyes mate.
Tony Hibbert Hehe, good one boss.
Mageye Gueye =D

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Carlo Nash and James Beattie are now friends.

James Beattie and Roy Hodgson are now friends.
Davy Moyes and 36,580 others like this.

Lukas Jutkiewicz and Lee Carsley are now friends. Kieran Agard likes this.

Steven Pienaar just poked God.

Andy Van der Meyde just bought 4 Chang at Tescos. Result!!

Dan Gosling has just bought a new overcoat.

Wayne Rooney is off to Florida! Coleen Rooney doesn't like this!!!

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Anthony James Hibbert - Haha red n white shite hello hello..... murrderrrersss

Andrew Johnson, Duncan Ferguson, Micheal Ball and 21 others like this.

Phillip Neville: I wish you wouldn't do this Tony, it makes us all look bad

Anthony James Hibbert: Haha sorry gaffer, wat you gona do, tell on me pippy?

Mikel Arteta: haha pippy lol

Phillip Neville: Please don't get involved Mikel I thought you where better than this

Joleon Lescott likes this comment

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Landon Donovan is waiting for a call from Everton.... :-)
About 1 hour ago

Phil Neville, David Moyes, Tim Howard and 40,000 others liked this.

Bill Kenwright: Watch this space, Landon!

David Moyes: Oh for fuck's sake Bill....

Paul Gregg: Have you not got any money left from the Fortress fund Bill? *sniggers*

Keith Wyness: LOLZ!!!!

Trevor Birch: Hahahaha - nice one Paul! Don't hold your breath, Landon!

Bill Kenwright: Carts.

Landon Donovan: :-(

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Yakubu Aiyegbeni Who's Purple Aki?
Comment Like? Dislike

about a minute ago

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John Terry joined the group - Sex isn't everything in a relationship, some just want a good sandwich.

Yakubu likes this

Jose Mourinho LOL

Victor Anichebe - "You would Yak lad"

Anthony James Hibbert - I kno what u mean boys haha

Maro 'Felly' Fellaini - Fuck off

Jamie 'Carragold 24" Carragher '5times baby' - Ah bitters

Anthony James Hibbert just poked Jamie 'Carragold24 Carragher '5times baby'.

Landon Donovan: substance or spin?

Like trips to the cinema and popcorn, like fish and chips, like JR and Sue Ellen, Everton and Landon Donovan just kind of go together well.

Why though?

What the fuck has a Californian with a big fod got in common with a football club in the Merseyside heartland of Walton? There was absolutely nothing to suggest that the loan deal of Landon Donovan from LA Galaxy to Everton in January 2009 would be anything more than a couple of fleeting substitute appearances that at best would sell us a few more shirts in the USA.

But ohhhhh nooooo, Landon and EFC became like Jack Daniels and Coke. They just clicked.

Donovan got off the plane at Heathrow and basically got straight on the pitch across London at the monolithic Emirates Stadium, home of Premier title chasing Arsenal. He announced his arrival with a delightful delivery which was met by the diminutive Leon Osman as Everton dominated the game and were robbed of victory with two deflected Arsenal goals. 2-2.

After that, Landon made his home debut against the oil rich Arab owned Manchester City, a side playing fantasy football with the best players in the world and convinced they were entitled to a run at the title - or Champions League qualification at the very least. Everton completely played Citeh off the park winning 2-0 (should've been more) and Donovan put in a good solid display and the 'American players are shit' brigade began to re-examine their pre-conceptions.

After that, Donovan saw some sobering lows (Birmingham in the FA Cup and a scratchy, ugly defeat across the Park) but some scintillating highs (Goodison defeats of Chelsea and Man Utd, a rousing home farewell and sign off goal in the 5-1 hammering of hapless Hull and the emotional goodbye at St.Andrews) but the overall feeling from his time at Everton was overwhelmingly positive.

There's a few reasons for this I think.

Landon offered us something we've desperately needed for some years now...attacking pace to burn and direct running down the right flank. He showed a passion, desire and will to win that every fan can associate with. He did our precious number 9 shirt proud, albeit in an unfamiliar part of the pitch for the Everton 9 to be plying his trade. The short-lived love affair between the LA boy and EFC wasn't just about his ability on the field though because I'm sure there are more technically gifted attacking right-sided players on the planet right now.

He seemed to always say the right thing. From his first press conference to his final Facebook status update when he was sitting in Heathrow departures, the soundbite or quote was always on the mark. Tony Blair's PR spin machine would've been proud.

Which brings me to my only nagging doubt.

Landon Donovan. Everton FC icon and legend in the making, blue blood and never forgotten until he returns someday?

Or fucking excellent politician?

Sleep Therapy

I dreamed a dream.

The dream involved just FOUR little things happening this season that didn't happen.

It changed everything.

23/8/09
Burnley v Everton
Everton are toiling 1-0 down against a very average Burnley side still buoyed by a win over Manchester United earlier in the week. Hibbert goes over and Phil Dowd awards a dubious penalty. Saha scores sending Jensen the wrong way. The game finished 1-1.
Everton +1 point Burnley -1 point20/12/09
Everton v Birmingham
At 1-0 up, Everton are comfortable and Louis Saha springs the offside trap to make it 2-0. Birmingham pull one back but it's not enough.
Everton +2 points Birmingham -1 point

6/2/10
Liverpool v Everton
With Liverpool down to ten men, Tim Cahill buries a trademark header from six yards at the Anfield Road end just before half time. Liverpool fluke one back later in the game to make it 1-1.
Everton +1 point Liverpool -2 points

28/2/10
Spurs v Everton
In the second half, it's 2-1 to Spurs and Everton are completely on top. A tremendous ball from Rodwell finds Landon Donovan at the far post who calmly slots home to make it 2-2. Everton +1 point Spurs -2 points

Four things that have this impact.

Everton +5
Burnley -1
Birmingham -1
Redshite -2
Spurs -2

The revised league table puts us on level points with the Gobshites with a game in hand. Even more tellingly, only 3 points away from 4th spot.

The finest margins. Live the dream people.

1 Man Utd 29 43 63

2 Chelsea 28 39 61

3 Arsenal 29 37 61

4 Man City 27 17 49

5 Tottenham 28 23 47

6 Liverpool 29 16 46

7 Everton 28 4 46

8 Aston Villa 26 16 45

9 Birmingham 28 -1 42

10 Fulham 28 3 38

11 Stoke 28 -5 35

12 Blackburn 28 -15 34

13 Sunderland 28 -8 30

14 Bolton 29 -22 29

15 Wigan 28 -26 28

16 West Ham 28 -9 27

17 Wolves 28 -25 24

18 Hull 28 -33 24

19 Burnley 29 -31 23

20 Portsmouth 28 -23 19

5ive

Five important general theories attached to Everton FC:-

1) If something can be done, then Everton, as a team on the pitch or as an organisation off it, will generally do it the hardest, most long-winded way possible. This normally results in frustrating failure but these failures make the rare taste of success even sweeter.

2) Once a player is touched by the hand of Everton, they will never be the same. There are numerous examples of this throughout time, people without alot of knowledge or fondness towards Everton prior to their arrival. In recent history, names like Duncan Ferguson and Landon Donovan spring to mind. These people connected with the spirit of Goodison and her people quickly - it just happened and they BECAME.

3) The mainstream media find Everton to be somewhat offensive in a way you would try and avoid talking to your Pikey cousins at a wedding. This is because Everton have history, class and culture that overshadows most of what the Sky 4/5/6 (if you include the newly ordained Spurs and Citeh) could ever offer.

4) Referees have been mugging Everton off for many, many years partly because of point 3 above (buying into the negative media vibe) and partly because the general footballing fraternity (The FA, UEFA) find it in their best interests to maintain the status quo. Can any other club on Planet Earth roll off a list of atrocious refereeing performances throughout history that have defined major games and even influenced seasons? Paranoia? Clattenburg, Thomas, Poll, Wiley, Collina...that's five without even trying. Corrupt.

5) Scousers support Everton. Glory hunting out-of-town wools support Liverpool. This is a fact. Supporting Everton is something that has been cascaded down from father to son for generations in Liverpool. A survey a while ago showed that 65% of Everton season ticket holders lived within 8 miles of Goodison. Supporting the Redshite is something that Cockneys, Devonians, Norwegians and Paddy from Kildare started to do in the eighties when they weren't a laughing stock. The same survey showed that only 45% of Gobbos came from the same catchment area as previously mentioned. They will try and tell you that a 'cosmopolitan fan base' is the result of many years of success. Great, embarrassing though innit you sheep shaggin' divs?

Being an Evertonian is partly about acceptance of these guiding realisms.

It's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Yesterday I watched Everton beat Hull 5-1 at Goodison. Should've been 10-1.

Next week we'll lose 4-0 at Birmingham.

That's Everton. And we love them!